Nobody Loves Me Like Me
by MirandaTam42
Summary: A Harry Potter one shot fanfiction exploring a headcanon I have about Gilderoy Lockhart and how he became the narcissus we all know and love. Please review!


_Nobody Loves Me Like Me_

**BOOM.**

Professor Slughorn groaned. "That's the fourth time this year, Gilderoy! Clean it up."

"Sorry sir." Gilderoy Lockhart blushed and hurriedly scourgified his desk, the floor, his robes, and his neighbor. Much to his surprise, the spell actually worked. He kept his head down for the rest of class and sheepishly turned in a flask of half finished Draught of Living Death.

As the class filed out of the room Slughorn tapped Gilderoy on the shoulder and said, "May I have a word?"

"Of course."

"You can write very well worded essays, you do fine on written exams, but your practical magic lacks a lot, and I'm trying to figure out why."

"I wish I knew, sir."

"Well, I just wanted to say that if you needed extra study sessions just say the word and I'll help you. Your grade is steadily dropping in my class and I'm worried about you."

"Yeah. Um." Gilderoy shifted his feet and looked around the room, feeling terrible. "Is there any way I could do an extra credit project?"

Slughorn raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

"I-I-" Gilderoy's eyes landed on the row of small cauldrons where Slughorn kept his most potent potions. "I could write you a lengthy in depth essay about the effects of a love potion and the magical components that produce those effects."

"That's quite a tall order my dear boy, but if you insist, I should like to read an advanced piece of your writing. However," Slughorn's expression hardened. "You are not to use this on anyone. If someone aside from Lucy, Ashley, Helen, Ola, Shannon, Mark, Sara, Kelsey, Natalie, Jonathan, Meredith, Tianna, Gwen, Kimberly, Evalyn, Amber, Britney, Charlotte, Sabrina, Gabriela, Claire, Quirinus, Martha, Sonja, Donna, Jennifer, Amanda, Carmen, David, or Samantha all of a sudden start flirting with you and asking or you out I'll know what happened."

"Oh!" He blushed even more and couldn't figure out which was worse, the fact that he had so many people who had crushes on him or that Slughorn kept tabs on each and every one of them. "No sir, wouldn't dream of it. I could get expelled for that, and it's a terrible thing to do!"

"However, if one of those said people asked you again for the umpteenth time and you said yes I'd like to say that I'd be happy for you." Slughorn winked and handed Gilderoy a small flask.

He took it and said, "Well, ah, heh, it'd be great if anyone liked me for something other than my looks." He scooped a ladle of love potion into the bottle and corked it. Gilderoy noticed that Slughorn hadn't disagreed with him and part of him felt even worse than before, and another part was grateful that out of everyone in the school, at least Slughorn would be honest with him.

"Take care," said the potions master as Gilderoy left his classroom.

Gilderoy jogged to the door of the Ravenclaw common room. The eagle knocker opened it mouth and said, "What's black and white and read all over?"

Merlin's acne, even the doorknocker thought he was stupid. Better come up with something unusual. "A sunburnt penguin?"

"This isn't Jeopardy, Mr. Lockhart."

"A sunburnt penguin."

"Refreshingly different." The door swung open and Gilderoy strode through the common room and tried to ignore the stares from both his admirers and the people who were smirking from the potion class incident. He went upstairs to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

He took his bookbag off and set it on the counter. He pulled out a quill and a blank sheet of parchment and titled it 'Love Potions Essay'. The smell of it seemed to be a good place to start, so he uncorked the potion sample and inhaled deeply. His eyes watered as his favorite scents in the world flooded his nose. Citrus body wash, strawberries, lilac candles, and the fresh smell of grass after rain dominated his brain for a full minute as he relaxed and enjoyed the strong but pleasant blend of smells. He stirred himself out of his aroma coma and wrote down what he'd smelled and how he felt from it. Now all he had to do was research what it felt like to be under the influence of a love potion and his horrible day's work would be undone.

This potion smelled awfully good.

It probably tasted good too.

Maybe he wouldn't have to read about love potions after all.

Gilderoy looked at himself in a mirror. He saw the face of a worthless, unconfident, unskilled, pathetic 6th year who was only good at writing and didn't fit in the genius house of Ravenclaw. Would it really hurt if he gave _himself_ the love potion and could see all the good things about his character? They'd never talked about what would happen if you gave yourself the potion to make you love yourself. Not only would it make a good addition to his essay, but it could also maybe help people who had anxiety or depression or something where they couldn't see anything good in themselves.

For science and yummyness then, like a true Ravenclaw. He gave the bottle one last sniff and then downed the potion, which tasted even better than it smelled. The moment it was all down he felt a bit queasy and opened his eyes to look at his reflection again.

Oh.

Hello gorgeous.

The flask dropped to the floor as he gazed in awe of himself. Gilderoy couldn't believe he never saw how charismatic he was, with the wavy blond hair, perfect complexion, deep blue eyes, slim but strong frame, and lips that looked incredibly soft. He panted a bit from his shock and ran a finger across his lips, shivering at the odd sensation. His finger left his mouth and trailed his cheek, his jaw, and then finally down his neck to his collarbone while he shivered even more and felt himself flush. Oh geez he was seducing _himself_. It felt, and looked, amazing though.

No wonder so many people had crushes on him. He pulled a comb out of the drawer and perfected his hair style while also petting his locks and running his fingers through its softness. People liked him for his looks all right, _just as they should._

What about his mental state though, still stupid and hopeless? Gilderoy looked himself in the eyes and tried to focus on his mind and not their beautiful color. He was fairly useless at magic outside of theory, but he could whip up captivating prose and pen some great papers, even if he couldn't perform his own theories well.

He stepped back from the mirror and wrote the rest of his essay, beaming with pride as he wrote the most accurate school paper Slughorn will have ever seen. Gilderoy stepped out of the bathroom and practically flew down the stairs to the common room. "Hey Tianna!" he shouted.

A pretty brunette girl with lots of freckles looked up from her homework and smiled. "Yeah?"

"Have you changed your mind about that date you asked me on?"

She gaped. "No- YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?"

Gilderoy swooped down and kissed her, happy to give someone else the privilege of feeling him. "Meet me at The Three Broomsticks tomorrow at ten, okay?"

"Okay." She still looked breathless as Gilderoy left Ravenclaw Tower and headed to Slughorn's office.

Gilderoy flung open the door to Slughorn's office in his eagerness to see him and grinned as Slughorn jumped.

"Merlin's beard! Are you finished already?"

"Sure am, professor." He handed Slughorn his essay and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet with barely contained excitement.

Slughorn's eyes widened as he read the parchment and by the time he got to the end he looked astonished. He looked up at his student and asked, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Spectacular, sir."

"Did you take the potion yourself?"

"Yes sir, and I've never felt better. You said I couldn't give it to another student but you never said anything about drinking it myself."

"I never thought you'd drink it."

"Well, that's the thing; it had never been done before, but not now look at me! Confident, charming, and I have a date with Tianna tomorrow, that lovely 5th year girl."

Slughorn looked Gilderoy up and down and seemed to have noticed something for the first time. After a minute he nodded to himself and said, "Well, full marks on your essay, and speaking of your writing skills, I think they're of enough merit that I'd like to you join that little group of students I invite in here every few weeks for a party. What do you say?"

"Sounds wonderful, thank you!"

"Good night Gilderoy, get plenty of rest."

"Good night sir!" Gilderoy skipped down the hall and cheerily waved at everyone he walked by, feeling like he was on top of the world.

And as the world knows by now, those effects never really wore off.


End file.
